One of the most prevalent, and powerful fears I’ve encountered, is the fear of being alone. Almost everyone has it, and whether we realise it or not, it’s the root of most of our insecurities.

Rejection’s tough because its a flat out confession that a particular person you’d like to be with, doesn’t want to be with you. People that are too nice, are afraid that if they were honest, others wouldn’t like them and leave. Most of us don’t like being different because we’re afraid of being ostracised by society.

I get that. I feel it too. My first serious relationship with my ex started when I was 27. Now that she’s gone, I’m afraid I’ll never find someone else again. My mind rationalises that, because I was single for so long before, it’ll be a long while before I find someone else again.

Of course, I know that’s a crazy thought, but before I dispel that notion, let’s run with that for a bit.

Let’s assume, just for the heck of it – what if it’s true?

What if, your fear wasn’t an irrational one, and that you really are destined for a life of loneliness. You’ll never get married, never have kids, never find someone to share your life with.

What then?

To me, at that point, your choices are simple. One is, you kill yourself. It sounds dramatic, but if you can’t bear to live a life where you’re not with someone, and there’s no evidence that it’s ever going to happen, then why prolong pain? Why not just end it now and be done with it?

Two, you don’t want to be alone, but you’re also afraid of death. So you stay alive, carrying your fears with you like a curse, your worries and and anxieties paralysing you and keeping you in a state of not dying, but not really living either.

Third, you accept the fact that you’ll be alone forever, and then ask, “So what?”

Even if you’ll never be with someone, it doesn’t mean your life has no value. It doesn’t mean you’ll never be happy. It doesn’t mean there’s nothing left for you to do, or that your life has no meaning. You’ve been given time on earth, and whether you find someone to share it with or not, that time is still going to pass.

So you might as well spend it, and do something worthwhile.

The first reason I’m putting that notion forward is because ultimately, all of us ARE alone, regardless of our status. No one else has your exact collection of life experiences, or thinks the same thoughts as you do. Even if you did find a significant other, there’s only so much of yourself that they can occupy, and they can never fully occupy your mental, emotional and physical being all the time. We’re unique individuals, and because of that, we’re always alone to some degree.

The second reason I think it’s healthy to be okay with being alone is because you can’t actively make someone love you. It’s just one of those things in life you have no control over. Sure, you can meet more people and have a bigger chance of connecting with someone and eventually being with them, but you can’t randomly select an individual and work toward making them suddenly wanting to be with you. Or maybe you can, but not without a lot manipulation and deception, which won’t translate into a healthy, fulfilling relationship anyway. That’s why they call it chemistry – you can only put two different people in a test tube and hope that there’s a reaction.

Given that being alone is a state that you can’t run away from, and that you can’t choose when the right person will come along, why worry?

Go out there. Enjoy your own company. Go on adventures. Take lots of photos. Dance. Read. Break a personal record. Help improve other people’s lives, and leave before you expect anything in return. Embark on a transformation programme. Chase after a passion. Learn a new language. Travel.

The inevitable consequences of doing all those things is, you’ll meet lots of new people. I still can’t promise that you’ll find love along the way, but if you’re daring enough to put yourself out there, and just a little bit lucky, you might just end up with your perfect test tube partner, and that’s as much of a guarantee that anyone can give you.

And even if you don’t, well aren’t you glad that at least you still lived out a wonderful, exciting life?

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