Dear <insert your name here>,

If someone’s shared this post with you and hasn’t specifically stated otherwise, then assume that the following has happened:

1) At some point of your relationship with her you’ve indicated that you’re interested in her.

2) She doesn’t feel the same way about you, and she’s tried to show this through her actions and responses.

3) You don’t get it, and insist on remaining in her life.

Seriously, if you’re here, it means that she’s tried everything to let you down gently. Brace yourself – it’s time for some tough love.

<Insert your name here>, you need to leave her alone. Stop whatever it is you’ve been doing. Don’t ask her out, don’t text her, stop sending her messages on Facebook.

Cut. All. Communications. Right this instant.

See, the reason you’re here is because she’s just not into you. That’s why your calls and texts to her go unanswered – she’s not really busy, she just doesn’t want to hear from you.

In other words, she’s rejecting you. 

Yet for some reason, you refuse to see that. You’ve misconstrued her non-responsiveness as an invitation to try harder. Why?

Look, calm down. You have to know, ‘no’ means ‘no’. She’s not being coy. She honestly wants you to stay away. What you seem to think is persistence, is really just obsessive, stalker behaviour. You’re less Will Smith from The Pursuit of Happyness, and more Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It’s not romantic, you’re desperate, and you’re eerily close to becoming this internet legend.

Accept the fact that right now, she doesn’t want you in her life. You took your shot and missed. It’s over. Move on.

The hard truth is this – rejections are tough. In fact, they’re fucking brutal. But they’re also not something you can change. If she’s ignoring you, then she’s already made up her mind about you. At this point, the only real choice you have is whether you accept it with some grace and dignity, or continue humiliating yourself in a futile attempt to change her decision. Either way, she’s not going to be your girlfriend.

See, men with true confidence never impose themselves on a girl they know aren’t interested, because they know it’s just not worth the investment. They’re okay with rejection because they have a strong sense of self-worth that’s not dependent on others. She’s not interested? No problem. Have a nice day. On to the next girl.

Boys however, obsess after a girl even when she’s clearly not interested. They have a poor sense of self-worth, so they look to some girl they’ve placed on a pedestal for validation. Their negative self-image are so ingrained in their heads, they need someone else’s approval to change that.

That’s you,  <insert your name here>.

Right now, you’re stuck in a vicious cycle – you don’t think much of yourself, and you’re hoping that this girl who’s everything you ever wanted would love you and prove you wrong. Except, she sees your complete lack of self-control and self-esteem, which turns her off. She then proceeds to ignore you and treat you like crap so you’d go away, but you see this as an affirmation of your already negative self-image and you try to change that. You pretend to be someone you think she’d like, which turns her off even more, and then you try to change even more and…

You can see where this is going.

What you need to do right now is develop you. Stop looking to others for validation. Take responsibility over yourself. Establish your own self-worth. No one else can give that to you, neither your family, nor any girl you can think of.

scarlett-johansson-wallpaper-high-resolution-93

Not even Scarlett. …I think.

The first step to doing that is to accept that you got rejected. It sucks, but hey, it’s normal. It’s all part of putting yourself on the line and taking risks – rejections happen from time to time. Sure, it’s a little sad how things turned out, but ultimately, you’ll be fine. You’re still someone worthwhile, despite her rejection. 

Read that last line again, and repeat it to yourself. Meditate on it. It won’t come easily, and it’ll take a lot of introspection and personal development before you can fully embrace that concept.

Once you do however, everything else naturally falls into place. You’ll leave her alone because being rejected is no big deal. Letting her go becomes a decision, one that adds to your self-worth. You start doing other things that make you feel good about yourself like working out, indulging in a hobby and meeting new people.

More importantly, you start doing things that have nothing to do with her.

But before that can happen, you have to let her go. Your process of self-development can’t start if you’re busy thinking of ways of making her love you. You can’t begin to love yourself if you’re waiting for her to start the process.

In fact, when you think about it, the reason this rejection hurts so bad is because you rejected yourself first. You were waiting for her to accept you before you could accept yourself. Except she didn’t, and now you’re forced to believe that you’re worthless.

…which is absolute bullshit. Seriously, why the fuck is she stuck with the responsibility of making YOU feel better? How is your happiness her responsibility? How is it anyone else’s?

Stop giving other people the power to make you happy. That’s your job. If you can’t make yourself happy, then you’re not ready to be in a relationship, and you still have a lot of self-development to do.

So stop obsessing over her, and get to it.

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